Tuesday, February 5, 2013

When Will I Ever Find Myself

February 5, 2013

Tonight, I started to think about why I decided to go on this journey. When I made the decision to come here, it was during those rough times in New Jersey and all my frustrations with FEMA Corps at the time. I felt like I needed to be somewhere where I felt useful. I wasn't getting that with FEMA. Other than that, now that I think about it. It's all about trying to find my independence. I'm 24 years old and I still feel like I haven't stretched my wings much. Breaking out my shell is high on that list. Just trying to find my voice and a lot of confidence. With this organization, that's something I'm gonna have to do. I have to say what's on my mind. Then it's possible that I may have to lead some volunteers, but this time I don't have my teammates standing beside me. I gotta be my own woman now. Gotta stand on my own two feet.

Honestly, that's the only thing holding me back. Sometimes I wish I was loud and outgoing, but I'm not. That isn't me. My voice actually gets people to shut up and listen for a change, sometimes.

Anyway, I'm currently on some spiritual enlightenment thing. It is most likely going to fail because I always get frustrated with something and then crawl back into hole. Just saying. Lord, Jesus, God whatever higher being is out there, guide me in the right direction and give me strength.

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